Think of a Tree Trunk

An organic element, not only just a tree trunk, serve not a mere function.

Architecture and Design, ever since the Modern period, are simplified to respond to the zeitgeist. Technology and urgency for social housing are the two major influences on that time. The great masters of the Modernism then established several dicta that guided the Architecture of the epoch. The dicta still influences how we build until today. The dicta make sense and along the way dictated many beautiful buildings.

Simplification may need to be reevaluated, or at least it is for me. A beam and a column are a beam and a column. Let structure be structure and other appliances be appliances.
But in organic element, say like a tree trunk, it is not just a tree trunk that serve one function, as a structure that supported the tree canopy. A tree trunk provided many other function: to transport water and other growth nutrients, to allow the growth of new branches, to store water, etc.

The fact that a simple tree trunk serve many function teaches me to rethink a mono function of other elements of Architecture: a column, a beam, a roof, a space, etc.

On Architecture: Rain Falls Down on the Roof

I have not given enough thought on regard of Architecture.
The thought stroke me on my journey home, on a ferry from Singapore to Batam.

Lately, I think I have strayed around reading, learning, and thinking on anything but Architecture. I feel slightly guilty, I must confess. But Architecture is my long term plan, a destination if I may analogously make such reference. Now that I think of it, I did tell myself to take a break from Architecture, to stray around and be lost; to walk not on a straight path but choose the more uncomfortable winding route which will take me longer to reach yet enrich me with plenty of experiences and knowledge.

Justification aside, a thought hit me when I was sitting in a poorly made site office room. Horrible building, improperly maintained. I thought of a conventional practice versus radical.
When it rained, we were taught to put insulation on out roof so that heat will be lessened and the noise of the rain could also be reduced. I took such lesson, as anybody else, for granted.
Heat, of course, is not comfortable; the accumulation of heat inside the building in not sustainable, it will consume more energy therefore we use insulation to block the heat from entering our building. That is reasonable but I must remind myself that that is not the only way to insulate heat, by using a conventional insulation such as rockwool.
And what is wrong with the sound of the rain? Why do we want to reduce it while it sounds so contemplative?
The whole point I am trying to make on this post is that I should not take thing for granted because of convention. I hate that I am so blinded.
The office is not properly build, but it can still teach me Architecture.

On Architecture: The Dented Wall

What does an architect do?
The idealistic answer would be: to build a building.
The realistic answer would be: to sit in an office figuring the yet to build building.

What is the significant of both statements which seem to be the same?
I think first of its simplicity of the idealistic answer. Architect's job yet simple in the definition, it is complex in execution. Ideally it should be so, realistically it was so.
Now, in our current state of practice, in our epoch which is the early 21st century, we complicate the job definition for ourselves, the architects, yet what we do is so specialized that it is much simpler practically comparing to the real practice of past, the ideal practice of today.

I am trying to record my experience in the construction site, hoping that my one year stay at my current work place would not change my idea of Architecture.

I like the purity of material and construction.
The material has soul. The process of construction is an act and effort put in by the craftsman, it should be revealed. These are among many the legacy left by the Modernists.
I think it sounds brilliant, but I know it is quite impractical. Impractical not because of it is not doable, but the architects lack dedication and patience to see it through, and have it carried out.
A broad themes I am proposing here in this paragraph. I think of one day, if I still remember it, I shall expand on this.

Back on the title of The Dented Wall.
Today, during my site inspection walk around, I saw it. I saw The Dented Wall by nail or screw, I am not quite sure which to be exact. In a conventionally wrong practice, the workers would plaster the dented wall with certain kind of paste depending on the nature of the wall, obvious we cannot use the same universal paste plaster for steel and wood and concrete. The Dented Wall, though has been plastered, the first cover, then painted, the second plaster, it is still visible to my eyes. I have sharp eyes by training and, I think, so should every architect have trained sharp eyes.
I hate The Dented Wall for perfection and design reason. It is fine if I designed The Dented Wall, but in this case it is clearly a flaw in construction. Such mistake is intolerable. I also hate the fact of covering for it does not reveal the process of construction.
Arguably, covering can be excused if it is the design intention and also provided that the architect knows the contractor has a good painter in his disposal. But, of course, being a lousy architect, my current office knows not.

Back to The Dented Wall, yet again to make my point.
Whose fault is it?
Now, most architects will agree that it is the fault of the contractor unable to carry out or to produce decent workmanship. Most architects are lousy architects.
We, as architects, should have ourselves to blame on this matter. It is our moral conduct and architectural duty to be introspective. We should not blame others before we introspect ourselves.
I am not arguing that the contractor is not to be blamed, I am trying to make my point that before we start to blame the contractor, we should inspect ourselves on what could have we done.
To design such a lousy thing is the architect's fault. Why do the architects allow themselves to design a wall that need to be plastered and painted?
There are a lot of flaws in the design, yet I observe the architects blaming the contractor. Where lies our fairness as an architect? Should we not be the fair judge on our design and construction? If we always blame others for our own fault, how are we supposed our profession to be taken seriously?
We have lesser and lesser significance in society because of these mediocre architects sprawling practicing Architecture.

The Dented Wall has taught me so.

Of Corrupted Ideals and Of Awareness

Damn it!

I felt anger rising within me the longer I work in my current firm. It is so wrong, so, so wrong. Nothing is in proper way.

First of, the corruption of thoughts. We will definitely lose our innocent view on design and Architecture the longer we work. It needs not to be so, people would say you will and have to compromise, but from my observation, I have to disagree. Because we are only as good as our bosses allow us to be and as our bosses want us to. I have experience the leadership of lousy bosses in my current firm. Bunch of old conservative minded fools who think they know, who think they are better. Ironic. Ridiculous.

I practice self-meditation every single morning in order to keep my purity of thoughts and let the innocence of mine survive. Six more months, I told myself constantly every single day I am here.
Books and writings are my only consolation. Things that keep me alive inside.
I need those.


People at your work place, be careful of them. Be aware, listen to what they say, listen very carefully. But believe only in yourself. For they say nothing of the Truth but their own opinions, most will talk bad about the other colleagues, they may not be right. But this people, be cautious of them and realize that if they are able to talk bad about others, there lies a chance that you will be talked by as well.
Those who are quiet are no better. Even they may not belittle others, they may possess harm by their actions. 
It is therefore better to be armed and practice self-cultivation.
To realize that everybody is the same.

To Record What I Have Been Through

I think. I observe.

It has almost been half a year now I am working in Batam office. I find the office stagnant in design and lead by a bunch of old conservative men who have no talent nor hardwork, surviving solely with decently good ass-kissing skill. No coordination between departments, between the consultants and the contractor, between the consultants and the clients are observed, even if there is, it will be very subtle and insignificant.

I am recording this in hope of me not losing my innocence in Architecture the day I was first introduced to it, the day that I saw wonder and hope. The day I saw Beauty.
I am in constant fear that I might lose my ideal, that this office, instead of teaching me, will corrupt me. I have to always put myself in a neutral position, to stand outside the system and to see the system itself, the way I did for the last two years of my study at Singapore Polytechnic. I must be aware of this.

There are a lot of things that I am not in agreement with my current office.
I dislike the design method: Addition-and-Covering. Addition-and-Covering is a last minute way to resolve design and problems on-site for practical purpose. I have not objection towards solving problems on-site, a circumstance inevitable. But the way the office do it has to be very clear. In this office, instead of the architects/designers solving the problems, the problems are thrown to the contractor and asked to produce shop-drawing. Such way of throwing responsibility is very unprofessional and in a way, asking the contractor to design, while we the architects should have been the one who solve and design.
What role do we have now but a whore for the clients trying to earn as much money as we can?

This office lacks integrity and ideal.
I learned a lot on what not to do.

Idea and Practice

Idea lives forever. Practice does not.

Think of the books and all the text we've read. The ideas and philosophy by Plato which were written for more than two thousands year are still read until today.
But the manager of let's say a certain company will not be remembered.

Even some of the texts written to convince us regarding the importance of practicality are theorized. Perhaps it is not a fair comparison, because there is certainly no contradiction between theory and practice because theory supports practice and vice versa. We often forget that though things appeared to be contradicting, they actually compliment each other.

My Current State of Mind and The Office I Am Working In

There has been quite a number of arguments in my head regarding a type of drawing called shop drawing. Shop drawing is a drawing or set of drawings produced by contractor, supplier, manufacturer, subcontractor, or fabricator, which typically required for pre-fabricated component such as elevators, structural steels, trusses, pre-casts, windows, appliances, cabinets, air-handling units, and millworks.
Hence, the architect does not produce the shop drawing, but evaluates and decides whether to approve the shop drawing proposed.
I dislike this idea of shop drawing, and I would decide for myself to have as less of this kind of drawing as possible because the architect will lose the control over the design. If possible, I think the architect should provide all of the drawings with close consultation and collaboration with the specialists and contractors. Because only by doing this, we, as a participant of construction, are able to cut the loss time waiting for approval and checking and re-checking all the submitted drawings.


It has been almost five months since I worked in my new office here at Batam. I observed many things and what crossed my mind today is the management system.
I find the people here very inefficient and produce less impressive work, and I am being very kind with my comment. I wonder whether it is in our culture as an Indonesian to work in such lenient manner. I felt hopeless to the people here and at some point I was thinking of firing everyone and replacing them with new staffs.
I might be wrong.
Lately I got to thinking that the employees are just as good as the leader's skill to lead. I started to analyze how the management works and slowly I can grasp the management system in this office. It is not good, in fact it's horrible.
There are too many hierarchy in an architecture office for small size projects, it hinders the progress of the construction and Design, if there is any Design at all.
I also notice that my boss, though quite smart and charismatic, not wise nor Design oriented. He is not a nurturer but instead an autocratic leader who expects and demands. I can see this by the people who works for him and whom he surrounds himself with: the yes-men.
Those who have opinions will not stay long in the office, and those who stays are nothing but cowards looking for decent salary to survive in this world.

Design is Personal

Personally, I always believe that Design should come from one person and one person only. Hence, with this belief, I spell Design with a capital 'D'.

Design is personal. Some of the greatest Architecture ever built were built for very selfish purposes: the pyramids for the tomb of the Egyptian kings, the Gothic Cathedrals for God, the Taj Mahal for an emperor's wife, and so many more.

Tough it is undeniable that there are also great Architecture built for less selfish or selfless purposes, those Architecture appealed less than those of which built for selfish reason. Hence, Architecture to me is very personal.

For the mentioned reasons, therefore I do not believe that there is either right or wrong in Architecture Design, because Design is subjected to personality. Each of us have or should have our own take and taste on Design, we should design individually to contribute to the diversity of Architecture and Design.

Brick

I used to dislike bricks. I thought bricks were such an old fashioned and obsolete material for construction, I thought of bricks as boring and outdated.

It was not until I was told that bricks are beautiful material with its beautiful colors. This simple statement was uttered by my teacher when I was in Singapore Polytechnic. Yes, it was just a purely simple statement of his opinion but it stroke me hard. The thought of bricks as obsolete was so obvious to me that I did not even consider it as possible for people in the contemporary period to regard it as beautiful. My obviousness was shattered, how could I see things so shallowly?

Then there came Louis Kahn with his conversation with brick:
You say to brick, "What do you want, brick?" Brick says to you, "I like an arch." If you say to brick, "Arches are expensive, and I can use a concrete linter over an opening. What do you think of that, brick?" Brick says, "I like an arch."

The significance of the conversation lies in our respect towards materials. We cannot just do whatever we like towards the materials, because materials, too, have feeling and pride. It is our task as architects to bring out the best in it, Our skill will determine how good the materials will be once constructed.

I had the urge to record this thought because I happened to come across an article at Domus about brick. I thought and daydreamed of how wonderful it will be if I have a chance to do a building with just bricks.

A Visit to Construction Site

There are a lot to learn and a lot more not to, my visit to the construction site for the renovation of Turi Beach Resort East Wing has been very educational.

I thought of building construction a lot. I think of how can I carry out construction with my desired result. It is tough to control so many workers and most of them do not know how to read working drawing and they do not have the proper knowledge of how to construct correctly.
I set a role for myself that I should be a teacher to the workers, I should teach them on the proper way to construct. When the time has come for me have my own firm, I will be the architect and the trainer for the workers. I should establish a solid ground, starting with small and intimate numbers of workers then slowly build up the firm and proper construction worker.

Construction and design should stand together in Architecture. I have always considered the skill of the workers when I design, because it is pointless to design like Zaha Hadid or Frank Gehry without the capability to execute the design, it is utterly pointless for it is better to get things right than to get it nice but atrocious. Getting things right does not even mean it is not nice, the beauty of simplicity and the quality of good workmanship never fail the test of time.

The Morning Sunlight

I had an epiphany while driving on my way to work this morning.
I saw the sunlight reflected by objects and I thought of my long gone childhood, the days of innocence, and my beloved hometown. I felt joyously sad when I remember the time passed for it really hits me to realize the impermanence of all things around me. Everything in our life is just one of many stops that we will go through. Hence, it seldom surprised me when one day I lost something: a book, a friend, a house, or any thing else. I will lament no doubt, but I will see it as something transient. In recognition of the transience, of the time passed, of the un-returned moment, I find solace in the present moment.

As people aged, they will have more and more comforting moment through their constant reflection on their life. Wisdom of age comes from the meditation of nostalgic moment and realization of the lost past events.
I had the realization that I am not old enough, I do not have much experience in life, not yet. Or perhaps I have the experience, but I do not meditate enough.
I am not sure on this because both are partially correct.

I waiting for the time to come when I know, not by analyzing or any deep thought, 'when I know' is just an intuition, inexplicable. I can comfortably know without any doubt, when I 'just know'.
I thought of the sunlight again, this time in the context of my hometown. I remember the moment between the late morning and early afternoon on the walk along the seashore, I looked to the sea, it was windy, the breeze took off the heat of the sun. The water sparkling, reflecting the sunlight.

Where Is The Musicality?

Where is the musicality? Where is the rhythm?

I found myself asking those question as I was designing. I was surprised by myself.
In the design process, addition, subtraction, further addition, further subtraction, more addition, and more subtraction, and on, and on, for a decently good designer are inevitable, just like in a musical composition.
Most of the designers of our time will have more addition, the Japanese will slightly tend to the subtraction process.

I would like to think of myself as balanced.
It is not easy to harmonize, I found myself asking, "Where is the musicality?" not because there are not any, but it does not harmonize with the existing concept and structure. It is easy to do addition, but addition that harmonize and respect the other elements are tough. I have to think and consider a lot of factors before deciding what to put there, and often in the future progressive design process, I might have to go back to the one I have just decided and omit it or edit it, I do not know for sure which one I might do, but the possibility is there. Hence, aside from the addition and subtraction, there are also back and forth process of editing. I hated changes, it is laborious and sometimes delirious, but lately, withstanding myself from proclaiming my enjoyment, I find myself hating changes less.
Changes are inevitable. I learned to let myself be open and flexible to changes, because when inspiration comes, which might be so often, one have to seize the opportunity and go with it.

Design is tedious, especially in Architecture.
I hope it will all worth it when it is done, just like others had tried to convince me before.

Design and Redesign

Design process is complicated and highly subjective, dependent upon the designer.
It is a struggling search for the unknown, for if one knows what one is looking for, the search will be a struggle and there will be an end to it.
There is no end in design, no answer, no destination. It is a ride one should take, not knowing from where one should start.

Design process is complicated. I often think of it like composing a piece of music.
Some are gifted, they design effortlessly. Mozart
Some are experienced, they design effortlessly as they practice and grow. Bach
Some are persistent, they design and redesign in search of perfection. Beethoven.

In one time or another, I believe one must been through at least one way of the design process.

On Client's Request

It was the fourth meeting with the client.
I had a struggle after I met and presented my design. I think, just like most of the new, and in some cases old and experienced, designers, that the clients, most of them anyway, do not know how to appreciate design. I find myself compromising every time after the meeting. It's ridiculous!

I had a good sense of design, a belief every fresh young designer have, and they just do not get it. It is our duty as an architect to educate and explain to the people what good design is. I hate it they do not appreciate. That's it! I have said it.

It always comes back to the strange request that most of us are very un-eager to do.
I was not thinking clearly. I was in a state of clouded mind.

I am now, in a much more better state of thought. I need this, I want to be like this, the young blood in me, perhaps it is the adrenaline, or perhaps the arrogance in me, I had the tendency to always think that I am the one who is right, I am absolute.
But now that I can think better, the quest of the client is a form of challenge itself, isn't it?

I judged too fast. The client requested me to design with a particular material. I was not happy because the material requested was common and not very interesting. I judged too fast.
It was not the material, it was me who can't design. The fault lies with me.
So now, instead of thinking how to convince the client to use other material, I must now think of a way to design with the given material. By doing so, I can show the local designer, and school them, on how to design properly with the material.

It is my mistake to judge too fast. I should learn to listen better and to think deeper before all else. And of course, most of all, to be calm and remain in non-judgement position.

The Sense of Wonder

I'm looking for the Sense of Wonder, the feeling I have when I sense something bigger and beyond me exist. The kind of feeling that puts me in awe.

I'm trying to recollect my memories and to remember when was my last time encountering the Sense of Wonder. Probably it was two days ago when I read The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, it was a mild Sense of Wonder, it was not those kind of thing that would blow my mind away, nevertheless it was.

There are many Senses of Wonders, subjected to the individual's own sensitivity. Some people will need to see the biggest waterfall of the world in order for them to realize the Sense of Wonder, some need to go to the Gothic cathedral in France, some need to see the Sistine Chapel of Michelangelo, but some need only to contemplate on simple twilight to have this Sense of Wonder.
It is subjected to individual's own sensitivity and contemplation.

I believe when I experience the Sense of Wonder, I experience what people referred to as God. I do not like how the Christian preachers describe God, it is somehow too material. Now I am not saying that God is not material, but too material is what I think it should not. I believe in the existence of God and I find those atheists ridiculous. God does exist, but it will depend on us to determine what God is.
The Sense of Wonder is God, something, or some-non-thing, that is indescribable.

When I experience the Sense of Wonder, I feel small and insignificant, and at the same time, everything around me also becomes small and insignificant. Nothing in this world matter on that moment. Peace and awe overwhelm me.

Judging and Being Judged

People look at you and they judge. Whether it is intentionally or not, we do it. We look up and we look down on people: fun - boring, smart - stupid, rich - poor, fat - skinny, ...
People look down on you, but so what? Aren't we looking down on people as well?
People look up to you, but so what? Everything is impermanence. Our life is like a constantly rotating wheel. One day you're on top, the other you may be on the bottom.

Realizing this gives a new level of awareness towards life. We're judged and we judge. If we look at it in different way, isn't life fair after all?

You Can't Not to Love

You know that it's true, that it has become a fact, but it is just so difficult to accept it.
"Why?" you asked, "Why does it have to be me?"
"What have I done wrong?"
"Why am I the one that have to suffer?"
The questions keep coming to your head and you, not knowing nothing's wrong, blame yourself for everything.

Why is it so painful to let go of something that you don't even own?
Stubbornness?
Stupidity?
... or what? What can it be?

It's nothing too difficult to realize, some of us just have it more than others.
You care ..., sometimes a little too much. You love and you feel too easily. You're a fool who do not know how to safeguard you heart.
You'll learn, slowly, how to feel less heartache over time. You'll learn, but you can't, deep down in you heart you know it, not to love.

Perfection

Perfection...
It's like a disease, a sickness, the anxiety of getting it right. It's excruciating to see flaw. It kills to have no capability to achieve perfection.
How can you walk out the door knowing the shoelaces are not tied equally to the same length, or at least with 1 cm deviation? You can't! What would people think of you? That you just get out of the house in a hurry because you were rea

ding late the night before, hence unable to wake up? That you are a person of carelessness that just too arrogant to care about a small thing such as shoelace?
But it's just shoelace! Nobody care except for yourself!

Perfection...
How you wish you can just see the doctor, prescribed medicine, consumed, and in a few days, healed...
But do you?
Is it a sin to desire to have absolutely nothing that is wrong?
Is it unacceptable to pay attention to the details?

The Time Past

I thought of the time past... And the memories it left behind.
Do you, like me, still remember the cute little girl who sat beside you during the coloring class at the kindergarten?
Or the smart boy who scored perfect during the maths class? Or even the geek who memorized every single dates on the historical events in history lesson?
I wonder what happened to them.
I used to have friends, it pains

 me to even type this, that I would always meet during lunch break at the school canteen. We would gossip about everything.
It's not because that we had forgotten each other that we lost contact, it is because of the less merciful circumstances.
We live and we move on. It's no one's fault.
Along the way, we meet new people and we learn different side of ourselves. We grow.

When the day come, when I finally meet those old friends of mine, I realize that the girl was not as cute or the guy was not as smart as she and he used to be. How funny has the table turned?
It really is fascinating this memory, bitter sweet it taste when I think of it. There is a reason why memory should stay as it is, a memory. Just like old friends should stay as old friends, never new, never current.

People come and people go, some changed our lives, some were changed by us, no matter how small or subtle, we did it to each other.
But I believe those who really matter will stay in our lives forever. Those people are stubborn sons (or daughters) of bitches who won't bulge even when you try to kick them out. Those people are here to stay. We should know who are those people because we are those people as well.

Questioning

' As one person remarked, "A good question is greater than the most brilliant answer," and that is true. A good question is one that touches Realization; it touches Order, whereas an answer is very fragmentary in comparison to it. I never really got to Architecture by simply taking convenient things; it was through the unfamiliar that I learned and realized what architecture really was. '

Louis Kahn

***

"Avoid using colors! None of you can handle it." he said, more than three years ago. His words haunted most of his students ever since, for they had become a dictum of our architectural design. I like such teacher with strong opinion, someone you find excitement in agreement over disagreement.

I observed people who are dictated by such rule and gave up on the exploration of colors. They are good

 listeners and followers, they do not question. Hence, the rule shackles their creativity.

I observed people who are not bothered by the rule. They are inspiring, but they are fools. They are not bothered by the rule because they did not listen and pay attention.

I observed people who are constantly questioning the rule.
Why were we told not to use colors? Why can't we handle colors?
These people are generally slower but they are the people who will excel in the long run.