I'm feeling drunk and absolutely good.
Looking at the time on my computer screen, 2:24 AM, taking another sip of a glass of Bourbon, closing my eyes, I imagine myself smoking a cigar with Billie Holiday's The Very Thought of You playing in the background.
It's a perfect night with myself.
I used to be very comfortable being with myself, half a year ago, before I met all the new friends from the Coffee Session. I felt good around them, I feel at home. I miss my friends. Over the few months ahead after I made those new friends, I guess I started to get used to their companion.
I am finally 'sociable'.
Then, when I'm back to Batam, I am in pain. I forgot to be comfortable with myself, the only relation I have been dedicated to for the past 20 years of my life. How could I do that to myself, I asked. Until tonight, I didn't realize how much I miss this, how much I miss myself...
I closed my eyes as I took another sip of Bourbon. How wonderful the music of Billie Holiday that had been accompanying me as I write and drink. How perfect this moment is.
I'm still a bit drunk, but I'm not sure whether it's the Bourbon that caused me so or the moment with the love of my life: myself, or perhaps, it's Billie Holiday.