Sunday, August 12, 2012

Billie Holiday, A Glass of Bourbon, and An Imaginary Cigar

I'm feeling drunk and absolutely good.
Looking at the time on my computer screen, 2:24 AM, taking another sip of a glass of Bourbon, closing my eyes, I imagine myself smoking a cigar with Billie Holiday's The Very Thought of You  playing in the background.

It's a perfect night with myself.

I used to be very comfortable being with myself, half a year ago, before I met all the new friends from the Coffee Session. I felt good around them, I feel at home. I miss my friends. Over the few months ahead after I made those new friends, I guess I started to get used to their companion.
I am finally 'sociable'.

Then, when I'm back to Batam, I am in pain. I forgot to be comfortable with myself, the only relation I have been dedicated to for the past 20 years of my life. How could I do that to myself, I asked. Until tonight, I didn't realize how much I miss this, how much I miss myself...

I closed my eyes as I took another sip of Bourbon. How wonderful the music of Billie Holiday that had been accompanying me as I write and drink. How perfect this moment is.

I'm still a bit drunk, but I'm not sure whether it's the Bourbon that caused me so or the moment with the love of my life: myself, or perhaps, it's Billie Holiday.


  1. Well it seem you not use in adapting in the fast manner in different social environment.

    As I were working in the past as a camp instructor or cultural exchange program in different country, after a strong bond of toward the participant, be it new stranger to friend or even a host family, end of the day I guess is memories only.

    Make use of technology to contact Har... You can always contact if you miss them.

    1. Sweet Mother Monster! Are you my first commenter?